The Legion Secret Files 3003 - I read it so you don't have to.

Released November 19, 2003
DC Comics, Color
33 Pages

Dan Abnett & Andy Lanning - Writers
Leonard Kirk, Tony Harris, Tom Feister- Pencils
Tony Harris, Robin Riggs, Tom Feister- Inks
Comicraft? - Letters
Stephen Wacker - Editor

Synopsis

Darkseid's minions fly through space while Trudy Trusoe begins a broadcast about the Legion starting in Metropolis and moving to Legion World via Shikari. Trudy narrates her experience as tags appear identifying the Legionnaires and providing background information.  In the threshold chamber, she meets Kid Quantum, Cosmic Boy and Saturn Girl. They provide a recap of the Legion's founding and Jazmin gives Trudy a flight ring. They go to the command deck and get information on Triad, Gear, Chuck and XS.  The Medbay has Gym'll, Apparition, Ultra Boy and Cub. 

Next stop is the "Clubhouse" bar, where we see Timber Wolf, Wildfire, Ferro, Starboy, Dreamer and Umbra carousing with a host of Scifi easter eggs.  Trudy, Rokk and Jazmin sit down with a drink and discuss the stress of leadership. Jazmin feels unwell and leaves, seeing a ghostly vision out of time in the hallway.  Rokk catches up to check on her, but she won't reveal what's bothering her. 

Superboy and Karate Kid spar as Trudy and Rokk observe and talk about Superboy's appearance and the public fervor around it as well as the catastrophists. Rokk reveals his "Last Son" adherence before admonishing Superboy for his destructiveness.  Off the record, Rokk talks about his disappointment in Superman.  They proceed on and run into Sensor, who freaks out and retreats to her trashed room, with images of her old life scattered about.

They go to the observation deck and get a weird image of RJ Brande, M'Onel, Chameleon, Kinetix and Gates, who are in the Kwai galaxy, then stop at Brainy's lab with Brainy, huge Vi, Spark and Invisible Kid.  The tour hands off to Spark and we get the background on Legion World itself, as well as a habitat tour, pausing briefly in Winath to gawk at Jarth, and get to see Garth's brooding thoughts as he transforms a tree and the animals on it into crystal. 

Trudy concludes her tour and report. Darkseid's minions return to his throne. 

Commentary

So this is obviously an introduction/annual type of issue primarily designed to get new readers up to speed on what's going on and familiar with the Legion universe by providing details on all the characters, background and supporting cast.  It also barely inches the Foundations story forward.  To that effect, the issue does a decent job, but there are multiple artists involved and it does not serve the book well, especially Feister's horrid character drawings. But this does very little to impact the overall universe and doesn't tell a story like other Secret Files issues have.  This is only for the die hard completist.

A note about Chuck liking Luornu.  Well, THAT's finally acknowledged...

Gym'll looks like Yoda.  

It's funny how after all this time in the Reboot, Val's origins are listed as "Unknown".  But his response to Rokk's yelling at Superboy is probably the best part of the issue.  Sensor is the other highlight.

The Brande image was just bizarre if he's not there.  And we never got an official sendaway for the Kwai team. 

Uselessly Giant Violet - Take a drink!  Seriously - if they have to write Vi as reclining in a spacecraft - of which this is the second time - she probably shouldn't be big.

This is the first we see of Ayla's reaction to Garth's return and it ain't great.

Grade - D-.  Story, what story?  But a few interesting background nuggets here and there.